How many people can go in the room again? I can't really remember!

Dear America,

  Why do you feel the need to tell me something fifteen times? I got it the first time when I said thank you!

    Love always

       Brian

   So Thursday was a rather productive day for me. I went to work and was very happy as I was going to be going to Ga to visit family the next day. Being the person that I am I had a list of things to do, and a timeline in which to do them. (I know this is very Monica of me, and I have actually been given a new nickname due to this fact.. I am now known as Moss... Monica and Ross together....) Anyway I finished at work and went home to get ready to run my errands. My bestie came over and we started our adventure. We got about thirty min into it when the first curve ball was thrown into the mix.

 Our other bestie was in labor. She was having the baby! HOLY CRAP! So on the way to the hospital, we had to get something to eat and we did that. After this was accomplished i started my mini melt down. My schedule had been thrown out the window. Now if you know me you know that I am a typical Virgo. I have to have plans. I need to know where we are going, when we will get there and about how long we will be there. If I do not know this it is a little hard for me. So with a friend in labor, and a friend by my side I knew that I would be able to make it. 

  When we got to the hospital we had to find the area where our friend was. This sounds easy, but it is not. Once we got to the labor ward, we had to call to get in. Now I understand this, and I know that it is for the protection of the babies and the mothers, but it is a little unnerving when one of your best friends is in labor. It was at this point when we reached our first little hiccup in the road.

  I picked up the phone to call the desk to be let in, and talked to a very lovely person. This is a little how the conversation went.

  LP: "Hello how can i help you?"

Me: "I am here to see my friend who is having a baby...."

LP:"Well we have a lot of people back here having babies at the moment what would her name be?"

   It was at this point that I looked at the phone is shock. I had not finished speaking and I had been cut off so that the nurse could be rude. This was not good. I gave the name of my friend and then we went into the ward.  Now it was at this point that we were told that only three people were allowed in the room. I looked at my two friends and asked the nurse... does the mother count cause she makes three? The nurse informed me that no the mother did not count but that the father did and so when he came back up we would have to leave. At this point every time someone came into the room we were told that only three people can be in the room. When we left they told us that only three people could be in the room and when we came back they told us that only three people can be in the room. It was at this point that I asked one of the nurses how many people could be in the room. She did not like that.

  But this brings up lots of questions america. If the mother has twins, does the father have to leave. If they have triplets do both the parents have to leave? When John and Kate had their kids, did some of the kids have to leave? Did they make a schedule to see which kids could stay in the room? Did they have multiple rooms?

 Apparently only three people can be in the room at one time. And I am really glad that the nurses told me this at every chance that they could. If they had not told me this maybe a vortex to another world would have opened and some kind of horrible creature would have been released. 

  All I am saying is that you only have to tell me once, and I will get it.

Must you stay seated,is that what Jesus would do?

Dear America,

     Isn't the polite thing to do to stand up and let someone pass? That's what momma told me when I was young.

   Love Always

        Brian

  So today I had one of my first big boy adventures. I flew all by myself. I have been wanting to come to Georgia to visit some of my family and I just have not felt like driving, so I decided to fly. It would cost me about the same so i decided it was no big deal and I would just do it. So I booked the flight and found a good and wonderful friend to take me to the airport. We had a fun adventure at 5am trying to find the Sanford airport. Map quest will give you some seriously back woods roads to travel on. 

  We found the airport and I got checked in with time to spare. So we had a little breakfast and spent some quality time with my best friend. When it was time for her to leave we hugged and there were promises of I will text when we land and all that jazz. This was when the adventure truly began. It started with the seating of the plane. Now all of us who have flown before know that when you go to board the plane that they are going to call the rows from the back up. This way you are not falling all over each other to get onto the plane. Well as I patiently waited to be seated, I was watching a family wait to get on the plane. The flight attendant went through the whole process of telling us who would board and how it would be. Well this family that was standing by the gate kept getting upset that they were not being allowed to get on the plane. The mother was motining and making all this noise about how she really needed to get on the plane. Now my first thought was that we all need to get on the plane. None of us have booked this flight because we want to just sit in the termanal and wait to get on the plane. We want to get where we are going. Getting on the plane is not going to get you there any faster. You can't go anywhere until everyone is on the plane, so what is the sense in getting mad. 

  As they called my section to get on the plane, I passed this family as the mother huffed and slammed her bags onto the ground. Then she said what I seem to hear a lot these days. "It's because we are black!). It was at this point that I wanted to point out to her that it was not because she was black, but because she was in a row that had not been called yet. There is no black or white about it. You are in a row and that is where you are going to sit. End of story... Plus come on lady, your 4 year old is handling this better than you are.

 As I got on the plane and looked to find my seat I was feeling pretty grown up and proud. Here I was having a real big boy experience. Look at me world, all on my own! Brian is getting his! WOOT. So once I placed my carryon in the over head compartment, I turned to my seat mate and said "Excuse me, how are you today?" Now my momma told me to always be polite (as a matter of fact, both mothers and both fathers always told me this, and this is the one lesson that has always stuck with me. That and never to take any wooded nickels.) So I try to be kind and nice. If it is good enough for Jesus then it is good enough for me. Well apparently seatmate never got this from her mother. She looked at he, letting her glasses slide down to the tip of her nose, and pursed her lips at me. As I was wondering where she had gotten the lemon that she must have been sucking on to make this face, she slid her legs out about a quarter of an inch and went back to talking on her cell phone. It was at this point that I went from big boy to little boy.

   I was a little bit put out. So I decided that since I was put out, she would have to be put out to. So what did I do you ask? I will tell you. I put my butt out. That's right folks. As I slid across to get to my seat, I stuck my butt out as far as it would go so that it would be right in her face. I stuck it right there, and I know that she  could not help but see it, cause I have a very large budunck a dunk.  She didn't say anything, but as I sat down and got out my Vanity Fair to read, I smiled at her and told her that I hoped that she would enjoy the flight.

 Now you may ask me, what did this accomplish. Well apart from giving me a little satisfaction, and my next blog entry, I got the satisfaction of seeing her politely stand and help the next person who came to sit down. So you see sometimes a random act of obnocisousness can help teach a lesson.

  Next time: Did you know that there are only three people allowed in the room?

It really does cost extra.

Dear America,

Why are you shocked when you have to pay extra for something that is not included? Man up and pay the fifty cents.

Love,

Brian

I have noticed lately that people are shocked when they have to pay extra for something. Yesterday a woman wanted to add Jelly to her sausage Biscuit, now first I was the one who should have been shocked because when I think sausage I so not think jelly. I think Mustard, ketchup, mayo, but not Jelly. I informed this woman (after i had vomited a little in my mouth) that it would be fifty cents for the jelly. She looked at me like I had just shot her cat. I mean seriously, I do not think that she could have been more shocked if I had her dead cat in my hand and I smacked her in the face with it. Once she closed her mouth and stopped blinking (and I am not even kidding) she proceeded to go off like no one before her.

Shocked Cat lady who wants Jelly: "What do you mean it's fifty cents. Why do I have to pay fifty cents for Jelly. When I go to McDonalds, I do not have to pay extra for ketchup. I mean why can't i just put a little jelly on my sausage biscuit? I mean what do I have to do to get some jelly, I just don't understand....."

It was at this point that I really just wanted to scream at her... you have to pay fifty cents you crazy physco cat lady!!!! SERIOUSLY!

It was at this point that I just gave her the stupid Jelly. I just couldn't stand to hear her talk about the stupid Jelly for one more moment. She didn't even say thank you.

But let me tell you something America. You have to pay for product. Now there are things that people do not have to pay for, but in fact, you really are paying for them. The reason that you do not have to pay for extra ketchup at McDonalds, is that everyone gets ketchup on their burgers. It already comes on it, so it is built into the price. The reason that jelly is not free, is that not everyone gets jelly on their sausage biscuit. So if I want to order the Jelly so that you can have it, you have to pay for it. You see, things are not free. I find it silly that I have to pay for something that falls from the sky (water).

So I guess what I am getting at is that things are not free. If you want to buy something you have to pay for it. Other than that, it's called a gift or stealing.

Single Ladies... yeah your gonna stay single

Dear America,

Is it really a good idea to put that on Youtube? Seriously!

Love Brian

All the Single Ladies! Oh the single Ladies!

Tonight I thought it would be funny to show my little sisters the video of the Glee football team dancing to single ladies. She chuckled and good times were had. Having never seen this video before (yes I live under a rock) I decided to search for it online. Well let me tell you I found a whole new world of hurt!

First there was the video by Beyonce. It was a pretty good video, but I could not really understand what all the fuss was about. So then I looked at the side bar and saw that there was more. This was when my sisters friend told me to look up Justin Timberlake doing the dance. I had heard that it was funny, and the first ten seconds was funny, but that is all I could find. So I started to click and ohhhhh the horror.

First there was a rather large man wiggeling and jiggling in ways that he shold not have been moving. Now when Beyonce does this, it is not so bad. She does not jiggle much and what does is good when it does. (I'm just sayin) But when a man who weighs more than I do puts on a black leotard and dances. Not only do bad things jiggle but his boys were jiggling. It was just too much. It was just a little too much for my eyes. I was waiting for the smoke to start pouring from my ears and then for my eyes to melt out of my face. A little like Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the lost Arc. (Don't look directly at it! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH) So I quickly clicked on the next link.

Well this was a video of three girls dancing to Single ladies. Wearing the same costumes as in the video, only with wigs that had shinny tinsel in them. The girls had no rhythm and could not dance with the music. Now I am not against them dancing and having fun, but if you can't dance and you can't dance, then why put it on Youtube. I mean the baby that was two years old dancing to it, was better than these girls.

So I guess what I am saying is, I did not like and I will not put a ring on it! I mean seriously why do we put these things on Youtube. How are you going to feel when fifteen years from now, your son comes into your room and says to you... "so dad, did anyone put a ring on it?" And then laughs and does the little shuffle dance out of the room.

Sit down shut up or i will kill you.

Dear America,

Why won't you just shut the hell up!

Love ALways,

Brian

It seems to me that the times are changing. I have noticed recently that people just seem to be getting ruder. Now I know what you are going to say, I am waaaaaaaaaaaaaay to young to know what I am talking about. Making a judgement like this means that a person would have been around for a long time, but I am a mere babe, but a wise one at that :) Seriously, I remember when I was growing up if I was in a restaurant and I so much as made my chair squeek, my father would say something like "I will give you something to cry about, or so help me God if you don't stop I will jerk a knot in you so fast..." something to that effect. My father was from the school of Cosby, you know... I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it....

Now a days you can't jerk a knot in a kid. God can't help you and you cannot take them out of the world (that is usually called Murder). I am not saying that I believe that you should not lay a hand on your kids, I believe that you should just do it when it needs to be done. My father only spanked me once in my life, and let me tell you that was all it took. After his hand hit my buttocks, all it took was a look from him, or a motion and I would do what he wanted me to do. I guess what I am saying is that children these days need a good spanking.

My family was out to dinner a few weeks ago and we were actually having a good time. Conversation was flowing, and this does not happen a lot. When we go to dinner, it is hard to talk. My father and grandmother are from the old school, they like McCain, and I like Oboma ( I think my aunt does to,but I am not sure) anyway, we had the flow man. It was like water, free and quick. This all lasted until our food was brought out, and it was at this time, that a new family was seated next to us. About five min into this, the kid started to scream. He didn't want his toy, he didn't want to watch a dvd, and he did not want a snack from his nifty bag. He wanted to get out of his chair and run around. Well his mother look at her family and said " Just ignore him, he will stop and he is not hurting anyone."

This may be true in your home. Let me tell you that I have used this approach before. When my godson has thrown a fit over something that he wants and he can't have it, I let him just scream it out. He's not hurting anyone and he will stop. I can tell when I need to step in, so it's all good. The only difference is that there is not a Restaurant in the living room, so it is no big deal. But when you are in a restaurant, you have to think of the people around you, and I just do not want to eat and listen to a 3 year old scream. Not my idea of fun. Maybe if he had a pause button or maybe a mute button then I would be all down with that. Maybe Samantha was right, we need sections of restaurant were we can send families with kids. Like a giant in door playground, with those plastic balls and a bar for the parents. Kids can play with the balls and parents can play with their bottles.

But it's not just kids and parents, it's teenagers! Last night my best friend and I went to see a movie. Now if you know me, you know how I am in a movie. I will joke and kid when the previews are on, but once the movie comes on I don't say much. There is something about being in a movie that is magical. I get to leave this world and view the world of someone else. I don't have to worry about how I am going to go back to school or how I am going to pay for it, I can watch as others struggle and I think to myself..self you don't have it all that bad. You aren't being haunted by a demon, so ti really can't be all that bad can it. So you can see that I just really get into it. So we are sitting in the movie theater watching a movie about a girl who is being haunted and how she is dealing with it (SOOOOO GOOD by the way) First I was disturbed by the fact that a couple brought their two year old into this movie, but there was a group of girls sitting in the back giggling and laughing in the back row. People would talk and laugh and giggle during this movie, and that is just rude. If you want to laugh and giggle go to a funny movie, or tell a joke, but don't go to a movie that is said to be the scariest movie ever released. This is not a laughfest.

I just wanted to get up and throw my shoe at them. (Let me tell you it would not be the first time that I did something like that). Luckely i had my bestie with me, so she could handle it like the delicate flower that she is. She kind of told the girls to shut the FFFFFFFF up. SERIOUSLY! :)

So what I am trying to say is that when you are out in public, try to remember that you are not the only one there. You are not in your house, and you are not in your private area. This is a place that many people go and therefore you have to follow the rules that apply. You have to take one for the team. You have to follow the greater good and do what needs to be done for everyone. That means sit down shut up and if your kid is crying, maybe you should give them something to cry about!

Bank of America.... Seriously

Dear (Bank of) America,

Why must you be so stupid?

Love Always

Brian

Why is it that I have to go into Bank of America now? Why can't my place of business use Suntrust? That would make me happy. Why no love for Bank of America? Well I am glad you asked so let me tell you.

I have never had a positive experience in that bank. I have not been in there a lot in my life. Only when I am forced to. I stick to Suntrust, the happiest bank on Earth. The people who make me smile, and who sometimes make mistakes, but always fix them...(Even if I have to go in there and yell and scream and use my very stern voice to get what I want.) It seems that at Bank of America, they do not want to help me out. In fact they seem to enjoy scolding me. Let me share.

The first time I went to Bank of America was many moons ago. I was what they call a college student, and being rather poor I depended on the kindness of my father to help me stay afloat. He would write a check to me for my tuition and I would put it in my account and pay said tuition. (sadly I did not realize how wonderful this was until it was too late. Now I have to finish on my own) So this one time at Church camp a counselor decided that she needed some money. Stupidly I let her borrow my check card so that she could deposit a check in my account and withdraw some money. ( I know what you are thinking, but this was Jesus camp, and if she took to much I would know where to find her.) Well she put the check in, withdrew the money and then left camp never to return. She emptied my account, and then the check that she deposited bounced, causing all of my checks to bounce. This was not good. Coupled with that, my tuition was due, and I could not pay as I had a very large negative balance. My tuition check had been made out to me on a Dean Witter account that my father had. I could not put it in my account, so I went to Bank of America to cash the check. Well my friends they would not cash the check. Why you ask... Well it was because I did not have an account there. My father did, and there was more than enough money to cover the check(You could have cashed that check fifty times and it would have been okay. I know because the bank manager showed me the screen...another big no no as I was not on that account.) So what was I to do? I went to Suntrust, explained and they cashed the check. Not only did they cash the check, but the person who helped me had me sign the check to them and then they gave me the money from their account. Pretty cool huh? Bank of America would not even give me the money out of the account that was at that Bank.

Another time, a friend of mine lost her debit card and license at the bank. In the drive thru teller. She put her card and license in the air tube, sent it over in the special holder, and when it got to the other side it was gone. They later found it, but canceled the card, and made her get a new one...which she had to pay for. She also had to get a new license as she could not prove that she was who she was since she had no ID. Is not the license ID? Does it not have a picture on it? Doesn't this person bank here all the time and get called by name? Yet they don't know who she is and they will not give back her license. That is great customer service.

Then there was today. I went to make a business deposit. I went in yesterday to do this, and was told that I could use the commercial lane. This was for business deposits. The only problem is that I had to stand behind a woman who was arguing about an overdraft fee. Now I understand. Get yours honey. Keep hold of that paper that you worked so hard for! You GO! But you should have been sent to a desk to talk to someone. That is what Suntrust does. So while I stood there, I watched about seven people go in and out of the line. The other teller never once said can I help you. She did tell me that I would be helped as soon as possible. So I waited. Once the line was empty, I looked to her and asked "Can you help me?" She stated, "No you have to be helped in the commercial lane. It is there to keep the traffic moving."

Now correct me if I am wrong, but if there is a lane for just business transactions, then once the business transaction comes it, it should be used. If a customer is being helped, and it is taking a long time, they need to be given to someone who can help them and let the business people on their way. I had finally had enough, so I looked at the teller and said.. " I need you to help me. I have to get back to work! I cannot be gone from my store this long." She let me come over, but made a kind of big deal about it.

Let me share a bit with you before I continue... Usually I am not in that much of a hurry. I have been known to let the people behind me go before me when I had a large deposit and a big money order. I do not think that they should have to wait for me and their transactions are faster than mine. So when there are only two tellers or one, I let those behind me go and I patiently wait. This usually helps the tellers and also I usually get speedy service as one will come out from the back and open their cage really quick and help me.

So I am not above waiting. But I was getting a little ticked off as there were no people in line and I was just sitting there. So she motioned me over, did the transaction and then proceeded to tell me that next time I was there and this happened I would have to go get in the line and wait. She looked at me like I pulled a gun from my bag and told everyone to back off, and that I was next. She made it sound like the bank police were on their way to come get me and throw me in bank jail.

All I have ever seen in Bank of America are rude employees and tellers who do not smile or seem to be bothered that they have to help you. Sunturst is way happier. They seem to be happy to have my business and I wish that the business account could be transfered over to them. That would make me happy!

So Bank of America, all I have to say is.. you can SUCK IT!

Why do I care what you eat?!

Dear America,

Why do you keep asking me to pick your food? I am not going to eat it!

Love

Brian

In the last few weeks customers have been asking me to pick their food for them. They will come up to the counter and begin to order, it usually goes something like this.

Customer: I would like a breakfast sandwich and coffee.

Me: Which sandwich and what size coffee?

Customer: I don't know, you pick.

Me: The size of the coffee?

Customer: No the sandwich.

Now I do not know about you, but when I decide to go out to eat I know what I am going to eat. I usually have a general idea, and then when I get there I look at the menu and make a decision. I don't usually let the person who is behind the counter or the server decide what I am going to eat. I am paying so I should decide.

I have noticed with these customers, that once you put in their food order or once they pick it up, they have magically decided that they do not want what you have picked out for them. The decide that they do not like a sausage egg and cheese croissant, but that they wanted no meat or that they don't want the carbs, or that if they eat this food that you have chosen for them that they will turn into zombies and begin to eat my brains....which at this point in helping the customer I would almost like that better.

Once the customer has decided that they are not going to eat this wonderful breakfast that they have paid for, they decide that they are want something else. They do not want to pay for this new sandwich, they expect that it be made for them at no charge. I know that there is a magic cow out there and that he has a friend who is a magic pig, and together they make magic meat that is free and there for anyone to use. They live under the magic money tree.

Another favorite is when they are getting donuts. They ask for an assortment of donuts. The very nice man behind the counter asks them if they want to pick them out and they usually say that you can pick them out. The thing is that they are distracted. They are talking on the phone, or maybe they are tweeting about how cute the donut guy is behind the counter. Whatever the case, they are to busy to pick out their own donuts, but once they get the donuts, they decide that they want another donut or there are to many filled donuts etc etc etc.

So I guess what I am saying is, You really do not want me to pick out your food. For one reason, I am going to pick the most expensive thing on the menu, because I am ticked that you cannot take the time to pick out your own food, and I have a budget to meet. The other reason is, you never are happy with the food. If you are going to order food.... ORDER WHAT YOU WANT AND SAVE ME THE TIME AND THE ENERGY!