Dear America,
Can't we all just get along?
Love
Brian
So some of this is of a rather personal nature. I am not looking for sympathy just needing to vent.
Why must we say things to each other that really hurt us? I am sure that we do not always mean them to hurt, but they do all the same. What am I talking about you ask? here are some examples.....
My dad does to parent teacher night when I am 15 or 16... Meets my teachers. Tells them all in my presence that I am a lazy student and you have to watch me because I will never get any of my work done. Gets into an argument with my English teacher because she tells him that I am her best student and that I should be in honors student. My dad just continues to argue that I am worthless.... same with French teacher, math teacher, writing teacher...after writing teacher I refuse to let my father meet anymore of my teachers. My french teacher told me that she just wanted to take me home cause she felt like I was a puppy that was repeatedly being kicked.
I received my my report card in 11th grade. 3.8 average... all A's one B. What does my father say to me? Good job I am so proud of you? ..... nope. "Why didn't you get an A in math? You got a B? I can't believe you got a B in Math. You really need to study harder. You are so lazy. I cannot believe this, a B in math...." I had 1 A the semester before in English and an A in French.. a C in math and B's in the rest. Brought every grade on my report card up, and that is all he could say.
When playing baseball as a kid, I never hit the ball far enough, never ran fast enough, never threw hard enough. I played soccer third grade year, won most improved for the season, my dad told me that he wished I played baseball like I played soccer.
It's the story of my life... You are lazy, that was stupid, that grade is not high enough, I can't come to your honors ceremony because I don't have a babysitter and I don't want your sister to have to sit through something like that... aren't you getting a little fat? You got into UF, really? Didn't see that coming!
Now let me clarify something. When I was a little boy my dad told me he loved me on a daily basis. He would spend 4 hours of his weekend, every weekend, on the road traveling between two towns so that I could spend time with him. He called me all the time to talk to me and took an interest in what I was doing. I was fed and clothed, and loved. So my dad loves, me and I get that. I do not want to be ungrateful, but at some point in my life I began to feel as if I was a failure.
One of my friends recently told me that I am funny, that I have a kind heart, that I am smart, attractive and a great friend to have. I had a hard time believing her. I do however believe people when they tell me I am stupid, fat, ugly, and boring. I think my father meant well, but I just don't think he can ever really see that as a kid who worshiped the ground he walked on it hurt 50 times more when he said the things he said to me, and at some point it seems that the good started to out weigh the bad. Someone once told me that I should not be so sensitive. That i should understand that my dad doesn't really mean what he says. My reply to that..... He should not say it then!
I don't care who you are and what you have done. If you do not mean what you are saying then do not say it. Think about what you are saying before you say, and if there is a nicer way to say it then say it that way. My father meant well... he had good intentions, but that does not always mean that it is right. The road to hell and all that. I am sure that Joan Crawford had good intentions when she hit her daughter with that wire hanger (and I am not saying my dad abused me) but I do not see every one hitting their kids with hangers.
So just think before you speak.
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