Why do you call it coolwhip?

Dear America,
There is a difference between coolwhip and whipped cream. You cannot put coolwhip on a latte!

Love Always,
Brian

So I guess you could say this goes along with Splender and all those wonderful words that I have talked about over the years. It just bafles my mind that people of the world call whipped cream coolwhip. Seriously. There are many many differnces. I know that you can put whipped cream on a piece of pie, and that you can put coolwhip on a piece of pie, but just because you can put two things onto one thing does not mean that they are interchangeable. Let us make an illustration shall we?

You can put lemon in tea, and you can put milk in tea, but you would not call milk lemon and lemon milk. If we did this it would get a little crazy. There is no milk tree and when you milk a cow lemon does not shoot out...even though this would be kind of cool. Might hurt the cow though. You can play a record and you can play a cd, but you cannot play a cd on a record player. There fore they are not interchageable. It just does not sound so good. That is really another one of my pet peeves, when people of an older generation call cd's records. It is not. And Ice box. I know that once long ago the refrodgerator was called an ice box because you put ice in top of it to keep your food cold. This is no longer the case. These are two different machines that do the same job. So we should call them what they are.

You may ask what is the big deal about coolwhip. Why can't I put it on my latte? Well we don't have it! That is the big reason. Also whipped cream comes out of a can (unless you are The Barefoot Contessa and make it the traditional way) and there fore it goes into the cup eaiser. Coolwhip has to be scouped out, and is often in a very bulky shape and size and will not fit into the size cups most places have. It just does not work that way.

While we are on this rant, just because a place of business has a drive thru does not mean that they serve coke products or breakfast/lunch food. I can remember one day at work at Starbucks when someone drove into the drive thru and ordered a steak biscut. SERIOUSLY! He was shocked when I politely informed him that we did not have breakfast food (they do now, but then we did not). He wanted to know why we did not serve breakfast food. Why do you not have burgers and fires? I am very confuesd. Well sir...it's a coffee shop. Coffee.

So America, thake a min to stop, think and read the menu. You may see that there is not something on it. And let me just inform you of this... Most businesses tend to put all of thier products onto the Drive thru menu. We do not hide food in the back for those speical people that guess them. So if you do not see a delicious breakfast treat on the menu, we do not have it. So stop asking me if you can get fries with that, if we have coke, if we have hamburgers and such. This is not Burger King, and you cannot have it your way!