Dear America,
Must we talk so much on our phones? Is it that hard to go five min without talking on your cell phone? Could you possibly order your food before you make the call? And take that stupid blinky bluetooth out of your ear before I shove it where the sun is not supposed to shine!
Love,
Brian
So this one goes way back for me. Long long ago in a kingdom not so far away there were subjects who actually talked to each other in person. If they had something to say they might write you a letter, or maybe they would wait until they saw you in person to tell you. They would sometimes call on the phone, but only when they were at home and all work had been done. Then an evil enchantress (who wore glasses, a nice up do and some really nice suits that she charged to the tax payers through campaign donations...and said you betcha a lot,) introduced the cell phone. (doesn't she have a saucy wink?)
Everyone thought that this was a wonderful idea. We can talk to our friends all the time now. If I have an emergency I can call for help right away. Oh this is wonderful. Alas, people did not used these new cell phones to call friends and family in case of emergency. No, they used them to tell Kiki that Brittany told Rhoda, that Shelby saw Dina talking to Rachel who we all know is a triffelen heffea! Shooooooo! Ever so slowly kindness and common courtesy left the kingdom. The sun went dark and all was thrown into chaos. The evil enchantress (who also like to ride her broom into the air so that she could shoot wolves from the air) smiled with glee. Her plan had worked and now she could take over the kingdom. You see the hero could not hear the cry of the masses as he had forgotten to take his bluetooth out before he went swimming and his eardrums had burst from the electric shock.....(some say that is was the evil enchantresses warlock friends fault as he had used a new type of torture ....water-boarding... on our fair hero..... Allegedly) All was lost and there was no one to save the people of this fair kingdom......
So kids, what have we learned from this story. Probably nothing. You see no one can put down their cell phones long enough to read this blog. How do I know this you may ask. Let me tell you :)
I have worked in a little thing we like to call customer service for probably the last ten years. It has been my joy and delight to be a part of what I like to call The Dance of the cell phone! You see what you must do is go up to a counter and talk to a sales person. Now some partners like to start the dance with a solo, by this I mean they are already talking on their cell phones.... which is the first step in our dance, others will come up to the counter and begin conversation with the sales associate and move ever so eloquently into the first step of the dance by answering their phones. This step can be managed by digging in a purse, but the more experienced dancer will do the legendary finger hold. This is a synchronized move in which the dancer answers the phone and at the same time with their other hand holds up their index finger to show their partner that they must stop. Then starts the part of the dance where the sales associate must bob and weave and try to get the attention of the dance partner. The dance partner or customer, must then put a nasty look on their face and totally ignore the sales associate. The dance ends with the customer hanging up their phone and either talking to or being angry with the sales associate.
Good dance! But seriously folks.....Why do you find it necessary to talk on your phones while you are ordering. Why do you apologize to your friends on the phone and talk about how the rude sales associate keeps interrupting you. I have seen people stand in line for ten min staring at the menu talking on their phones while countless people wait in line to order. Also if you have been in line for 5- 10 min, why do you not know what you want? All I can really say is that I hate people on cell phones. And I know that every now and again I do it... and always feel bad, but I apologize to the person behind the counter, not my friend
Love,
Brian
ps.. if you stick you stupid finger in my face one more time to say that you need me to hold on, I will snap that sucker off so fast and you may find a finger flying at your face! I'm just sayin.
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