Splender

Dear America,

There is no "R" is splenda, therefore it is pronounced Splenda, not splender!

Love,

Brian

So many people cannot understand why this one bothers me. After all I am a southerner (even if there are those out there that say Florida is not a part of the south,) and as a southerner I use words like ya'll, over yonder, aferpiece, momendems, and my two favorite of all darlin and reckon. Many understand that these are words that are cute and a part of a culture. If you have ever been to the north (as I have not) and heard of the strange conversation between a southerner and a northerner that goes a little like this....

"Excuse me darlin, ya'll got any sweet tea, or maybe just an iced tea?""

" Um, we have hot tea, but we don't serve cold tea"

":0" ----------> look of shock on a southerners face.....

(having never been to the north I have not had this conversation, but I have heard from many friends that there is a land that in fact does not serve iced or sweet tea...) you will understand how I feel when a customer asks for Splender. To me it is like nails on a chalk board...stangely enough it is not the sound of the nails on the chalkboard that drives me crazy, but the feeling when it happens. It is the same with Splender....

It is not the person that makes me cringe or roll my eyes, but the fact that someone looks at this word and sees a magical "R"... one that no one else can see. It is not silent as other letters can sometimes be, but it is invisible. I have asked my sister who majored in english at FSU ( to some a good school, but UF does hold a special place in my heart) about this special letter. I thought that maybe I had slept through this day of English 101 ( in High School and College) but Alas there is no such thing as an invisible letter.

So I guess you could say it is the confusion of the mysteriously invisible letter, or the thought that the English language has not caught onto this magically invisible letter, or it could be the fear that I will some day have to have this very frightening conversation of "no sweet tea" or no "iced tea".....

So now I hope that you can understand why I cringe when I hear the word Splender :)

Love always,

Brian

(this is for the Gay Pagan :)

p.s. It is Walmart, not walmark, Kroger not Krogers, K Mart not K Marks/ Marts