UFC Fighting and Wrestling

Dear America,

Why is it that when two men are in the same room the talk about UFC fighting or wrestling? How is this not gay?

Love

Brian

The other night I went with my friend Kacey to cut some hair. This happens from time to time, and as I am her fearless sidekick, I go where I am needed. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, there was the standard guy greeting when we walked in...

"Hey Man." "Hey , sup?"

So we walked into the room ,and everyone was very friendly. I do not usually have good experiences with guys, they often bully me or in general make me feel uncomfortable. Coming from a family of mostly girls, I just don't know how to deal with guys. But these guys were pretty cool so there was nothing to fear. I went and sat down with Taylor (Kacey's daughter) and watched her do her Hair diva thing.

So as Kacey cut hair I sat back and did what I am supposed to do as the faithful sidekick. I observed. Everyone in the room knew each other, so it was a lot of what are you doing this weekend, and he did this and she did that. I was content to sit and watch as I like to watch people. It's like watching animals in the zoo and this can be fun.

It was at this point that the strange male bonding ritual happened. They began talking about UFC fighting. As a male I have never really understood this. I must admit that I am missing something in my DNA, or it could be that I simply have so many sisters and female cousins and friends that this part of me has not been developed. It has taken me about 28 years to develop an interest for football and the ability to watch it.

I first noticed this anomaly when I was in high school, ten years ago. Has it really been that long? I can still remember it. I was sitting in one of those lovely old desks, listing to the guys around me talk about their weekends and what parties that they were going to. ( I always seemed to sit around these guys) They started talking about Wrestling and how this man did this and that man threw this guy and this one was rolling around on the floor with that guy. It got me to thinking about how homoerotic this all was.

have you ever watched Wrestling on tv, or UFC fighting? You have two guys that are very well built... usually... and they come out onto the stage or the octagon, or the wrestling mat thing, and they look at each other. This is a very interesting and meaningful look (some of my friends say that the two wrestlers are trying to decide who the top is ). You will notice that as they are looking at each other, they have been oiled up, usually so that their hot bodies can be showed off. Usually after they have strutted around flexing and yelling at each other, they will then roll around on the floor in many different positions as they hug and hit and try to pin each other to the floor. UFC is pretty much the same, except that they beat the crap out of each other. So they are basically into pain.

My question is, how is this not gay? How can all of these guys in high school talk about this and they are not gay? The guys that did not watch all of this, were gay. It is oh so confusing. I have no desire to watch any of this. Can someone please explain to me how this works? Does this mean that I am not going to get my man card?

And then I realized..... I don't need a man card. I don't have to conform to what society wants me to be. I have a man card, God gave it to me the day I was born. You see this man card is called a penis. So no matter what happens, what i watch on tv or what I wear, I am a man, and there is really nothing that anyone can do about it.